Lying there completely naked, I am at my most vulnerable but determined to prove my strength. I try to keep my legs closed as my body wills itself to protect my most private area. . . . I tell myself: I am a warrior. I birthed a human. I can handle pain. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the feel of this fire on my skin."The shocking and subersive memoir of a 12-year-NXIVM-member-turned-whistleblower, and her inspiring true story of abuse, escape, and redemption.In 2005, Sarah Edmondson was a young actress starting out in Vancouver and hungry for purpose when she first heard about NXIVM, a personal and professional development company founded by Keith Raniere. Intrigued by the organization's promise to provide the tools, community, and insight to help her reach her potential, Sarah would go on to become one of NXIVM 's most faithful devotees, running a company center and enrolling more than 2,000 members.In this tell-all memoir, Sarah shares her true story from the moment she takes her first NXIVM seminar, to the moment she begins to question why those members who ask questions promptly leave or disappear, to the invitation she accepts from her best friend, Lauren Salzman, to the initiation ceremony for DOS - a "secret sisterhood" within NXIVM. Thanks to Sarah's fearlessness as she put her life on the line, that ceremony would mark the beginning of the cult's end.Complete with personal photographs, Scarred is an eye-opening story about abuses of power, the role female friendships play in cults, and how sometimes the search to be "better" can override everything else.