After almost two years it became apparent that I had exasperated all efforts to control my behaviour and was no longer welcome at the school. This was a pattern which continued for the next few years of my life. I was moved from a children’s home in Bradford to a secure unit in York from which I managed to escape on two occasions. I was then sent to an Approved School in County Durham. As incredulous as it may seem, at the age of 14 I was expelled from the Approved School and returned to another children’s home back in my home town of Bradford. True to form I was kicked out of this home too. The above is pretty much the sum of my family and friends knowledge of my childhood, and to be fair, it’s hardly surprising that I was judged, frowned upon and quite often avoided like a crusty pair of Y fronts. I am now 53 years old and have managed, thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, to obtain official records held about me from those early days. I have also managed to acquire the cojones to let all and sundry know the truth. As I have used my real name, I felt it was only right that I use the real names of other guilty parties, the ones who should have known better. If you are interested in reading a true, openly honest, occasionally sad yet often humorous memoir, please do buy my book, “I Think I’m OK.” I assure you it’s far from a ‘misery memoir.’ Oh, I guess I should point out that there are a few of them there naughty sweary words included . . . sorry about that.

    In her two Caveliers—Call Again Cavalier and Imperial Cavalier—she has two of the very best event horses in the world. Mary Kings's success in the world of eventing has been hard won. She does not come from a privileged background. Her first pony was the ancient "cast off" from the local vicar's children—and success with this pony gave her an iron will to succeed. To support herself in the early days she had a variety of unglamorous jobs—including butcher delivery rounds and cleaning out toilets in the local campsite. Her talent was apparent from very early on and she first competed at Badminton in 1985, had her first win there on King William in 1992, and had her second on Star Appeal in 2000. Just when everything seemed to be going well she suffered a terrible fall in 2001 and broke her neck but she was back competing at the very top level the following year. Mary King's story is fascinating and inspiring for anyone with an interest in equestrian sports.

    For the amusement of his friends, he?d often recount in long e-mails his latest misadventure, whether it was witnessing an armed robbery or being vomited on during his first sexual experience. In 2002, he started collecting those stories on a Web site he founded, mentallyincontinent.com. Soon he had a large following of visitors, including a rabid core group who suggested edits and helped him hone his writing craft. In 2005, he self-published the best stories from his site as a collection and in the years since he?s been holding impromptu readings across the country, selling thousands of copies (mostly out of the back of his truck). In Mentally Incontinent, Joe delivers a batch of hilarious and brand-new stories, featuring his misadventures with a stalker, his blind date with a fifteen-year-old, and his frustrated attempts to convince his mom that he?s not gay. A natural storyteller and a self-proclaimed magnet for weirdness, Joe Peacock has emerged from the bowels of the Internet with some interesting tales to tell.

    

    Don't Laugh, It'll Only Encourage Her is the endearingly honest and hilarious memoir from the creator and star of award-winning BBC comedy This Country.____ When things were really bad, Mum would always say to me: 'Don't worry, it will be a good read for your memoir one day.' 'Mum, I auditioned to be a stripper by snogging a pole and was laughed off the stage by a bunch of topless dancers.' 'Well that can go in the memoir.' 'Mum, I spent all my student loan accidently on a penthouse suite in a fancy hotel in Marble Arch, now I face getting kicked out of drama school.' 'That's a good one for the memoir.' 'Mum, sorry I'm late for dinner, I had to work late at my cleaning job because someone balanced a Quaver packet full of piss on the radiator in the boy's toilets, and I didn't realise until I picked it up, so I had to wash the piss off me in the sink while trying to learn my lines for that Call the Midwife audition I have in London tomorrow.' 'Memoir...' I have lived the most humiliating, ridiculous, screw-up of a life but Mum was right, you've just got to remember, sometimes the worst experiences make the most entertaining stories. _____

    Be amused and appalled as Tony discovers his parents are censoring bare breasts from the National Geographic, has his braces repossessed by the government, gets caught two-timing his local video shop, attempts to start a band with no musical skill whatsoever, mars an awards night with a burst of foul language, and returns to his hometown to discover his grandfather is not the man he thought he was.A Nest of Occasionals is a series of supersize set pieces from a life lived in miniature. But what on earth does that title mean? There’s only one way to find out…

    This Hockey Dad, Bob McKenzie, is not afraid to look into the mirror and candidly assess and reveal his own strengths and weaknesses. He has anecdotes that will make you laugh, stories that will bring a tear to your eye, and insights into this minor hockey world that can only come from having lived through the highs and the lows and everything in between with two boys who grew up in an environment where minor hockey was their epicenter. Michael is now a 22-year-old entering his junior year playing NCAA hockey on scholarship, one step away from the professional ranks. Shawn, now 19, had his competitive minor hockey life cut drastically short at age 14 because of complications from multiple concussions. While Michael has attempted to, and continues to try to, scale the heights within hockey, Shawn has, at times, had to navigate the depths. Their deeply personal stories, and how their father dealt with them (sometimes well, sometimes not so well), are a compelling look into the world of minor hockey--a major Canadian passion. From hysterically funny anecdotes, to debates on numerous hockey issues, praise and criticism for the system, and personal reflections on the game, this book is an insightful, irreverent, and moving look at a slice of hockey culture that is not so much a recreation as it is a way of life.

    That lie ends now. The truth is most kids end up remarkably unremarkable no matter what you do, so you might as well achieve mediocrity by the easiest possible route. The goal of “bare minimum parenting” is to turn your child into a functional adult with only a fraction of the effort spent by super moms and dads. If you do it right, your kid will be no better or worse off than their kids, but with more free time left for you. That's more valuable than all the participation trophies in the world.In Bare Minimum Parenting, amateur parenting expert James Breakwell will teach you to stop worrying and embrace your child's destiny as devastatingly average. To get there, you'll have to overcome your kid, other parents, and yourself, all of whom will push you to do more than is absolutely necessary. Honestly, by reading this far, you’re already trying too hard. But don't stop now. You're exactly the kind of person who needs this book.

    Donahue’s debut book offers all the honesty, laughs, and reassurance of a late-night phone call with your best friend. Whether she’s giving a signature pep talk, railing against summer, or describing her own mental health struggles, Anne reminds us that failure is normal, saying to no to things is liberating, and that we’re all a bunch of beautiful disasters — and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Vivid, hilarious and often alarming, his columns have found a cult following among doctors and patients alike. Now these pieces are available in one volume.

    This month by month account of one family’s liveaboard year takes a firmly tongue in cheek look at what it takes to enjoy the ‘idyllic’ lifestyle.

    From Aaron Karo, stand-up comic and acclaimed author of Ruminations on College Life and Ruminations on Twentysomething Life, comes I’m Having More Fun Than You, an irreverent exploration of why guys embrace bachelorhood and love flying solo in their twenties and thirties.

    And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you!' - Katherine Ryan "I've always thought the benefit of having batsh*t parents is it increases the chance of you growing up funny. It's certainly worked for Geoff Norcott." - David Baddiel 'Voting Conservative is like buying a James Blunt album: loads of people have done it, but weirdly you never meet them ...' Comedian Geoff Norcott should have been Labour through and through. He grew up on a council estate, both of his parents were disabled, and his Dad was a Union man. So, how was it that he grew up to vote Tory? In this courageously honest and provocative memoir, Geoff unpicks his working-class upbringing and his political journey from left to right. Raised by a fierce matriarch and a maverick father on a South London council estate where they filmed scenes for The Bill, Geoff spends his youth attempting to put out kitchen fires with aerosols and leaping in and out of industrial skips. But as he reaches adolescence, his political views begin to be influenced by major events including the early 90s recession, the credit crunch, and a chance encounter with Conservative PM John Major. As an adult, Geoff begins to have the gnawing feeling that the values and traditions he grew up with no longer match Labour's. And, as Brexit appears, he feels even more like a double agent operating behind enemy lines. Written with warmth, wit and often laugh-out-loud humour, Where Did I Go Right? is Geoff's attempt to understand why he ended up voting 'for the bad guys', and why blue-collared conservatism could be here to stay. Praise for Geoff Norcott: 'A mature, sharp take on modern politics' - The Sunday Times 'Gently abrasive, but that's what makes him so entertaining... with a sharp, self-knowing wit' - The Times 'Geoff Norcott genuinely has something original to say' - New European 'A refreshingly brilliant new comedic voice' - Spectator 'Norcott is an out-and-out rebel' - ExpressReviewWHERE DID I GO RIGHT? is sharp, considered, insightful, and helped me make sense of 'the other side'. And because Geoff Norcott is so funny, it unfortunately means I can't dismiss his views entirely. It's so important to have a friend you can disagree with but still admire and Geoff can be that friend to you! ― Katherine RyanBook DescriptionGeoff Norcott's colourful memoir of growing up Labour, but now voting Tory.About the AuthorComedian and writer Geoff Norcott is well known for his regular appearances on BBC2's The Mash Report, BBC1's Mock The Week, and Radio 4's The News Quiz. In 2019, he fronted his own BBC2 documentary How The Middle Class Ruined Britain and he has four Radio 4 specials to his name, one of which won the BBC Radio Award for Best Comedy Production. A satirical commentator in many national newspapers, Geoff has also been profiled in The Times and t he Guardian. He lives with his wife and son in Cambridgeshire.

    The ruthless alpha is hellbent on claiming me. His idea of fun? Ravage me and make me shamelessly beg for releases over and over. But I haven't the time for that, even if he's gorgeous. I have to lead a gang of ferocious criminals to fight off the vampire horde. It doesn't matter if my thighs quiver with raw need and my body burns for him. Survival comes first. But then he tells me the truth of our complicated relationship--if he's not allowed to wring the most epic and brutal climax from me, he'll lose himself to his beast forever.Book two: Wicked WitchShe ruts me like a savage, then utterly forgets me the next morning. She doesn't know I'm the most brutal Sváva Archangel. My blood only warms on the battlefield and my obsidian wings spark dark fire when I taste the blood of my enemies. At first it was attractive that she didn't fear me, but no one uses me and casts me aside like trash. Just as I'm about to punish her in ways she can't imagine, I uncover the truth--she is my fated mate, and her amnesia is the result of a dark curse. Conquering universes will be nothing compared to conquering this curse. I'll stop at nothing to make my mate remember our dirty, passionate night together, and how I coerced carnal pleasure from her over and over. This darkly delicious paranormal romance collection includes:Claim the Wolf KingWicked WitchDark VampireFallen AngelClaim the Leopard PrincessOne-click and dive into this tantalizing, hot series that features a badass heroine, handsome and possessive alpha shifters, and ruthless fallen angels. Expect naught language and explosive love scenes. HEA guaranteed and no cheating.

    (Women who leave wet teaspoons in sugar bowls need not apply)."I haven't woken up with a cup of tea by the bed for seven years. It seems such a small thing but it's one of a thousand things I miss about having someone around to take care of me. I have spent my entire adult life getting things the way I want them and all I want now is someone to give it all up for." Jon RichardsonIs your filing faultless? Your CDs, apostrophes, cutlery all in the right places? Can you eat a biscuit in the correct way? Then Jon Richardson (single for seven years and counting) could be your ideal man.Living alone in a one bedroom flat in Swindon, 27 year old Jon has had far too much time on his hands to think. In fact to obsess. About almost everything. Jon's obsessive compulsive personality disorder has seen him arrange the coins in his pockets in ascending size and colour code his bookshelves. It takes him less than 90 seconds to locate a receipt for a pair of shoes he bought in 1997. Over to the filing cabinet and R for receipts, S for shoes.But Jon doesn't want to be like this, in fact he would quite like to share his life with someone. But who could that someone be? Someone like himself, a quarrelsome perfectionist only with breasts and less body hair? Absolutely not. But who exactly is Jon looking for and where will he find her? Faced with a loveless future filled with his own peculiar quirks and perfectionism, Jon sets about his search for The One. The question is, will he mind her keeping the knives to the left of the forks in the cutlery drawer or organising the CDs by genre and not alphabetically?