Meet Barney. He’s an average guy in his mid-thirties with questionable social skills and progressive germophobia. He likes routine. He likes to keep his head down. Life’s pretty safe…until he’s spectacularly fired from a ten-year public service career. Desperate to find a new job, Barney lands a private sector role with a struggling communications firm that has a suspicious lack of clients and is run by a man who wears Hawaiian shirts to staff meetings. The one shining light is Gloria. Fierce, devastatingly intelligent and with a brutal sense of humor, Barney is mesmerized from the moment they meet. To win Gloria’s heart, and his new team’s respect, Barney sets out to prove that he’s more than just a public service reject—even resurrecting a stand-up comedy career that hasn’t produced a laugh in more than a decade. But in trying to be everything he thinks they want, Barney is forced to question who it is he really wants to be. An offbeat comedy with echoes of The Rosie Project, this hilarious and heart-warming novel is a story about the masks we wear to impress others, and the freedom that comes with just being ourselves.

    His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Mission 2: Angry Robots A group of antiquated robots have decided that they've had enough of being treated like second-class citizens. Working together, they take over the sewage plant on Segnal Prime and start pumping the sludge back up into the buildings. Mission 3: The SSMC Voyeur A space probe that was sent out 500 years ago has returned...sort of. It's actually a copy of the original model of The SSMC Voyeur, which begs the question: What happened to the original craft? The crew of The SSMC Reluctant is dispatched to learn about the originating planet that sent this cloned vehicle. And, if Rear Admiral Conster gets his way, they're also to blow the entire planet that it came from to smithereens. Mission 4: Earthlings After their last mission, the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC) saw the value of the GONE Drive. The ability to move through space in a blink of an eye would be highly appealing to any military body, but specifically to Rear Admiral Parfait who has a bit of a thing for military bodies. Parfait sets a mission in place where The SSMC Reluctant must go to one of the planets that they briefly landed on during their last mission: Earth. Parfait sees the opportunity to...probe another society of human-like creatures and possibly build relations with them. Furthermore, and much to Captain Don Harr's chagrin, Parfait has put in for a title change to Senior Diplomat so that he can join the crew! Mission 5: Synthetic DNA After a close call in the year 2440 at the planet called "Earth," the crew of The SSMC Reluctant makes a quick escape back to their home of Segnal. However, Geezer didn't have time to set the clock on the GONE Drive to return them back to their own era, and things have changed greatly in the Segnal System over the past 500 years. The system is ruled by Synthetic Lifeforms now, and they find humans and standard robots an affront to their intellectual capacity. From their perspective, only Synthetic Lifeforms should be allowed to live.

    This edition contains all the material in the original volumes of George, Don't Do That and Stately as a Galleon, including the bloodthirsty 'Ethel' and the unforgettable nursery school monologues.

    The delightful drawings and snappy warm-hearted humor make this one of my very favorite comics!"— Sherm Cohen, artist/writer: SpongeBob SquarePants"Oh, Brother!" stars the sibling duo of Bud and Lily, who humorously interact within the leafy confines of their middle-class suburban home and neighborhood. Whether they are playing together in the family room or running amok in the schoolyard, Bud and Lily elevate the act of one-upmanship to Code Red levels. Lily is the quintessential slightly older and far more sensible sister. She takes it upon herself to look after her uninhibited, prank-loving younger brother, Bud. While Lily wins the occasional battle with her cool-headed maturity, Bud is intent on winning the war with his brazen brand of mischief. Despite their obvious differences, Bud and Lily love each other deeply and have a strong sibling bond.

    Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman, two of the world's foremost experts on Things Before Their Time[3] take you on a step-by-step journey through history.From the Big Bang to the Fall of the Roman Empire, from the Ice Age to the Evolution of Language, from Henry VIII to Last of the Summer Wine: all of civilisation is here. A publishing first, this thoroughly comprehensive and highly ambitious quest through Time and Space is interspersed with questions for all the family from TV's most popular tea-time quiz show, Pointless. This is Alexander and Richard's biggest book yet.The book no historian can afford to be without[4], it comes complete with introduction and footnotes[5]. [1] Highly selective[2] Largely cobbled together from what we can remember from school [3] That's not even a thing[4] Under no circumstances to be used for reference[5] Um...

    Now Zombie Steve, too nice to abandon young Beep, has to play babysitter on a new quest to reunite the precocious child with his worried parents. But there will be spiders, silverfish, a miner and even a friendly wolf or two along the way.Zombie Steve knows he needs to do the right thing and bring Beep to his parents, unfortunately, his parents are avid zombie hunters!Will Zombie Steve be able to return Beep home by protecting his own (zombified) skin? Read “Beep” to find out.A hilariously written page turner, this book would be the perfect gift for Minecraft lovers of any age.Disclaimer: This book is a work of fanfiction; it is not an official Minecraft book. It is not endorsed, authorized, licensed, sponsored, or supported by Mojang AB, Microsoft Corp. or any other entity owning or controlling rights to the Minecraft name, trademarks or copyrights.

    Kids in particular are always excited by all things space related. A picture book is the perfect gift for kids because it brings the excitement and wonder of our solar system closer in bright colorful detail. It lets them learn facts about the planets and moons in a friendly format that they can come back to again and again, and the pictures can inspire them to create their own drawings of the wonders of the universe.

    Who Stole My Spandex? is a witty selection of stories from Doyle’s madcap world of menopausal pitfalls, wardrobe malfunctions, and a family full of pranksters. This clever compilation includes laugh-out-loud pieces like "Queen of Klutz,” "One Size Fits None," and "Hands off my Egg Roll!" From couples' colonoscopies to nightmare holidays to disappearing spandex, no topic—no matter how crazy or unimaginable—is too taboo. With a heavy dose of self-deprecating humor, and a dash of sentiment, this marvelous collection of anecdotes will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt the call of nature at exactly the wrong time. Welcome to the nuthouse that Marcia Kester Doyle calls home.

    Alternate cover edition for B01MU10N5THow can one unwilling human save the galaxy? Can Mark stay alive, defeat a psychopathic reptile whose armies are set to overwhelm all the free civilizations in the galaxy? And will he get the girl of his dreams? Maybe not, but he’ll have a damn good try! And how did he become allied to the most powerful race in the universe?

    Sixty! She feels half that age, even if the mirror tells her otherwise. Hubby Keith promises her a birthday to remember, and doesn’t let her down, but packing his suitcase to shack up with a forty-something isn’t quite the memory Annie wants to make. Suddenly she’s single and – as an empty nester – very, very alone. The Bucket List she and Keith had promised to work their way through is but a dream, until besties Bella and Caz rally around Annie and whisk her away for a trip that will be remembered for ever. Dubai. But it’s not all skyscrapers, bling, sand dunes and sheikhs. As the sun sinks over the horizon of Jumeirah Beach… might there also be love?

    The gig – as prey in leprechaun hunt for a bunch of Wallstreet jerks – goes as badly as it sounds. He could leave it there and write it off as a harsh lesson learned, but fourteen months later when Smithy comes up with a plan to take his revenge on the man behind it all, it is too good to resist.What is it they say about best-laid plans? Instead of teaching his nemesis, Louis, a valuable lesson, Smithy ends up saving him from an assassin. From there, Smith and his friend Diller are dragged into his opponent’s messed-up world. Louis is part of ‘the Collectors’ a group with way more money than sense dedicated to the competitive acquisition of truly one-of-a-kind items that define the secret history of the world.When one of the group’s members loses his marbles, Smithy and Diller find themselves shanghaied to Nowhere. A well-named location in the middle of the desert, where a madman is trying to build an army from the worst of mankind.Welcome to Nowhere is a wild ride from the author renowned for the darkly comic thrills of The Dublin Trilogy series and the McGarry Stateside books. It is a standalone novel that is a perfect introduction to McDonnell’s blend of comedy and compelling story that is earning him a growing legion of loyal fans.

    Could any novel be ruder than IS HARRY ON THE BOAT? Possibly this sequel to that brilliantly funny cult novel about holiday reps in Ibiza.

    Laugh out loud as they encounter ‘crocodiles’ on the wall, strange African customs and unintelligible Afrikaans accents. Cringe with them as their visiting in-laws embarrass them in front of their new SA friends.If you enjoyed Educating Rita and Shirley Valentine you will recognise Mavis Turner.Set in the 1970s, But Can You Drink The Water? uses subtle observational humour with an underlying pathos to portray the upsets, hurt and changing family dynamics that emigration brings. (The story is based on a 13-part sitcom) ReviewWith a droll, witty, utterly British voice, this manuscript tackles playfully and sincerely the age-old fish out of water tale. What sustains this book, however, is the narrative voice, the dry and self-deprecating humor, and the ability of this author to tell a story simply and well. Publisher’s Weekly reviewer for the ABNA semi-finals.

    Macabre, unsettling and deliciously enjoyable, these stories make the perfect bedtime read – but be warned, once you've started reading you won't be able to stop . .

    . . I assume.”Vengeful spirits, flying ogres, helpful teapots, ghost pepper ghosts, and trickster tigers? That’s just the start of this lively collection of Asian folktales, reimagined and retold in comics!This second volume of the "Cautionary Fables and Fairy Tales" graphic novel series is a thrilling, funny, and totally unexpected take on stories spanning the entirety of the Asian continent, with loads of lesser-known myths and legends from Tibet, India, Indonesia, and beyond. Featuring the work of Gene Luen Yang, Nick Dragotta, Blue Delliquanti, Carla Speed McNeil, Nina Matsumoto, and many more!