And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.

    In eight tragi-comic stories, Einstein's Beach House: Stories features ordinary men and women rising to life's extraordinary challenges.

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

     The chairman of the board, billionaire arms dealer and part-time philanthropist David Soper, decides that it's time to kill or cure. Business School alumnus and Las Vegas hotel genius Max Green is the perfect man for the job. A man of vision. A man with a mission. A man who knows that wealth-care is smarter than healthcare. He's going to make Samaritans great again. Andrew Sharp, star cardio-thoracic surgeon, turns his back on the NHS and buys in to this brave new world of Porsches and payola. But when his American Dream turns into a living nightmare, Andrew discovers that even the new-found love of his assistant, Cathy, may not be enough to save him… Samaritans is the new novel from the co-creator and writer of Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister. Praise for Samaritans 'A book George Orwell would have approved of.' The Sunday Times ‘It’s wonderful! I was hooked, mouth open, heart pounding. The catastrophic state of medical care is his story but Samaritans can be read too as a wider allegory, a discourse on a politics of greed, dis-entitlement, deregulation and social brutality that has run quite mad.’ Stephen Fry ‘It is with the highest confidence that I recommend this book, with particularity, to those Members of Congress who remain committed to making access to life saving care far too difficult for far too many people. It is my fondest hope that they might laugh their way to the education they so sorely require.’ Rick Ungar ‘Jonathan Lynn tackles the US healthcare system in satirical splendour. I laughed out loud. It is both hilarious and scary at the same time! Nobody does it better.’ Barbara Broccoli 'There is reason to believe Jonathan Lynn was not born in the US and, while probably not a spy, he has spent some little time observing Americans in the wild. His observations are not always flattering—he’s talking Big Medicine, Big Insurance, Big Business and their cousin, Small Ethics—but he certainly seems to have our number. Samaritans is smart, dark, and very, very funny. Stay healthy, America!' Michael McKean, Better Call Saul, Spinal Tap ‘Jonathan Lynn's Samaritans does for hospitals what Evelyn Waugh's The Loved One did for cemeteries. The book is laugh-aloud funny, but also deadly serious--because it deals with the lethal effect profit-minded health care can have on patient lives...I haven't read satire this hilarious and powerful since Riotous Assembly, the late Tom Sharpe's indictment of apartheid in South Africa. This is essential reading for anyone who has a body and wants to keep it alive.' M.G Lord ‘Comedy genius...as politically and socially important as is it is entertaining.’ Muriel Gray Jonathan Lynn is the multi-award winning author of The Complete Yes Minister and The Complete Yes, Prime Minister, which were drawn from the phenomenally successful BBC series which he created and wrote with Antony Jay, and which sold more than a million copies in hardback.

    He was living his dreams and preparing for a future of success. But the day before leaving for New York, Ryan was in a life-altering car accident that robbed him of the use of his arms and legs. Paralyzed from the shoulders down, he found himself struggling to grasp just how fundamentally his life had changed.In this unflinchingly honest account, Ryan takes you along his journey of coming to terms with his physical limitations, redefining success, falling in love, believing for a healing that seemed all but inevitable, and ultimately learning to trust the purpose in suffering.If you have ever watched your dreams crumble before your eyes, endured prolonged pain and disappointment in your life, or wondered if there is more to life than what you are living… Ryan’s story may be just what you need to discover what matters most—in this life and the next.

    3 passionate women who fall under their spell. 3 hot and tender love stories.BOOK 1: PLAYING WITH FIREEmbroiderer Uma is all kinds of wrong for single dad Zach.She’s his son’s nanny, still chaste at 23... and falling for him, hard and fast. In short, she’s completely off-limits. And just as completely irresistible. BOOK 2: PLAYING FOR KEEPSEx-player Isabelle takes a job as a publicist for a Paris water-polo team.That means she must face amnesiac coach Lucas, the jerk who broke her heart six years ago. But Lucas is a brand-new man after his head trauma. He has no idea why Isabelle is avoiding him — or why he is so drawn to her. BOOK 3: PLAYING DIRTYIn his pimply teens, Julien was led on, played and publicly humiliated by Noemi.Now a heartthrob and a sports star, he craves revenge. Even as he still craves Noemi.If you like single dad romances, revenge plots filled with angst and passion, and heartwarming second chance novels, you’ll love the PLAYING TO WIN series!

     Barry Sullivan is a sordid dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant. But now Cullen has toothache - and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice. The Tartan Hiaasen strikes again with another tale which roars along - and which will have you roaring along with it. This laugh-out-loud novella is a prequel to the highly entertaining CULLEN series of full-length novels.

    He had a solid job. He ran 5Ks for charity. He was living a nice, safe Midwestern existence. And then his wife left him for a handsome paramedic down the street.We’re All Damaged begins after Andy has lost his job, ruined his best friend’s wedding, and moved to New York City, where he lives in a tiny apartment with an angry cat named Jeter that isn’t technically his. But before long he needs to go back to Omaha to say good-bye to his dying grandfather.Back home, Andy is confronted with his past, which includes his ex, his ex’s new boyfriend, his right-wing talk-radio-host mother, his parents’ crumbling marriage, and his still-angry best friend.As if these old problems weren’t enough, Andy encounters an entirely new complication: Daisy. She has fifteen tattoos, no job, and her own difficult past. But she claims she is the only person who can help Andy be happy again, if only she weren’t hiding a huge secret that will mess things up even more. Andy Carter needs a second chance at life, and Daisy—and the person Daisy pushes Andy to become—may be his last chance to set things right.

    Join Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington as they probe the nature of human society.In this episode: Athenian democracy and arboreal investments; Karl on road safety; President Pilkington's pronouncements; Malthusian musings; Karl's adoption agency; the ins and outs of organ donation; social injustice on the busses; morality and entomology; Karl's Luddite attitude to plate sanitation; euthanized ensifera; social orthodoxy at the orthodontist's; and splenetic etiquette.

    There's a dark side to every invention, one which we have been fortunate to contain for most of history. But are we hurtling into the future too fast?Detonation is an epic, action-packed dystopian tale that is a cautionary reflection on our own innovation-obsessed culture. It follows two societies that are connected, but centuries apart, and their struggle against a superintelligent machine. Amid ideological clashes and political plotting, a diverse cast discovers this insidious threat, one which few can fathom, and fewer can challenge, and they are forced into an escalating conflict against a tireless enemy."A highly entertaining and absorbing combination of philosophy and action featuring robustly individualized characters." — Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

    Because externally, we are always trying to control what is “not me,” and internally, we always get perplexed trying to figure out whether our actions came from our “higher” or “lower” self. As Albert Einstein said: “We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”This book will help you to understand:Why we have internal conflictsHow does our ego trap us in undesirable circumstancesHow do our beliefs limit usWhy thought-based teachings (Law of Attraction), or self-improvement advice don’t workHow do we really get what we wantWhy is happiness so rare for usWho we are reallyWhat is the nature of existenceWhat is the meaning of lifeHow do we know if there is a GodWhat is the process of spiritual enlightenmentMany of us are starting to become tired of this game of life. We have been comparing and striving all our life. But no matter how much success we have achieved—we are still hollow and still have found nothing fulfilling. We don’t even know if happiness exists because it is no longer a living thing in our experience—it has become dead, as we only know it as a concept or memory.We have sought self-help advice, philosophies, and religious teachings to transform ourselves but have not gotten anywhere. We have made some superficial improvements—like adopting a new mindset—but our core remains the same. We are still competitive, still fearful, and we get disturbed all the time.The problem with all attempts at self-improvement is that we do not address the fundamental problem, which is: who is the “you” who needs to be improved? We do not see that the one who is making the improvement is the same one who needs to be improved. The more we try to improve, the more conflict we introduce, within and without. The more knowledge we stuff in our heads, the more we become trapped in a conceptual prison of reality. Inevitably, the more confused we get in life.The book guides the reader out of their distorted beliefs to experience reality beyond the mind. When the deeper intelligence is allowed to flourish without our mind's interference, then the game of life becomes effortless.

    Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Well, fear the excruciation no more, as Richard Herring's Emergency Questions is about to change your life. Containing 1,000 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who've appeared on his hundreds of podcasts, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights.

    A war that ranges from the dry bushveld of Southern Africa to the capitals of Europe and the Middle East, to the sweltering cities of Southeast Asia. Worth more than gold, heroin or cocaine, the rhino's horn, meant for protection, is the catalyst behind their relentless struggle to save this species from eventual extinction.

    The economy is collapsing, his health is failing, and around his hometown of Broughty Ferry, Bob is struggling to get the respect he deserves. Fortunately his email junk folder is bursting with offers of assistance from around the world. In these genuine emails, Bob Servant looks to the Internet's worst con merchants and charlatans for answers to his many woes. The author of the bestselling Delete This At Your Peril and the critically acclaimed Radio 4 series The Bob Servant Emails is back with an all-new compilation of emails targeting a fresh batch of email spammers—the false lenders who have bravely stepped into the credit crunch, supposed doctors offering expensive treatments for Bob's ailments, and fake foreign soldiers offering him military advice in his campaign against a local bowling club. They all find a man from Broughty Ferry who is ready and willing to give them his valuable time.

    Daniel Horvath's not-quite-ex-wife dies unexpectedly, a woman he has been avoiding for thirty years rings his doorbell-and flips his predictable life on its head. Can she help untangle the emotional and financial knots Lorraine left him tied up in?Will a young temptress at his clinic ruin everything?And...can a little French bulldog named Lylou help Danny discover the love and family he yearns for?